While I am not here to debate, I did want to share my thoughts and feelings on Tuesday’s tragedy. I had what I thought was an important appointment scheduled on Valentine’s Day but later realized something else would be of greater importance. I had my 12th week follow up appointment following my November 7th Syringomyelia surgery. As we made our way to the hospital, listening to the news on the radio the report came in on what was just transpiring in Parkland, Florida. It was all just developing and any further detailed information other than location wasn’t being said. While we waited to be seen, nurses outside my room began to talk saying there were confirmed casualties, my heart sank. When we arrived home, we were immediately updated on the horror that was happening right in our home state, a shooting in a high school. Since then my heart continues to ache and my prayers have been with these students and parents. These parents that have lost their babies on this tragic day and the unimaginable pain that they are feeling. I also woke up not wanting to send my 3 older kids to school. I thought it was too soon to have our children return to school when such horror is still so fresh on our minds. I’ve spent the day between watching cartoons my little ones enjoy and going back for updates of what is going on in Parkland, Florida. It’s been a day of sadness, frustration and disappointment. And because I don’t want to go to a place of hate or anger, I chose to spend the day in prayer – constant prayer. It’s worrisome and frightening knowing this is the world my kids are growing up in. A world in which on February 15th every parent felt a heart wrenching fear as they took their kids to school, a fear that shouldn’t correlate with school. A lot is being said about mental illness. I believe that many think of mental illness as taboo. I live with Chiari and Syringomyelia, symptoms that include daily pain – life altering pain and discomfort. An illness that doctors have said, has no cure and surgery is but a relief. All this, all of it, takes a back seat when I take care of my son whom in 2011 was diagnosed with speech delay and later in 2016 with Autism and ADHD. This is real, mental illness is real and more needs to be said and done for our children. It’s not taboo and it’s a conversation worth having if it’ll change the social custom of our society. It’s OK to have Chiari, Syringomyelia, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, postpartum depression, baby blues, Autism, ADHD and the list goes on and on. Also, we need to stop being silent and feeling ashamed of mental illness. My consolation in times of struggles and triumphs is the reminder that I am not alone and that the Lord is my Shepard – Psalm 23: 1-6.
Xo – Ana