My Life With Medicine – The Chronic Pain Truth

When you’re living with chronic pain, medicine is a part of your life. The year is filled with doctor visits, follow-ups, tests, prescriptions and refills. The medicine helps relieve some of the pain. That sharp pain, the pain that takes your breath away – and not like in the fairy tale books. This is the type of pain that stops you in your tracks and makes you close your eyes in pain and at times brings on those silent tears. The ones that no one other than you knows about. You’re unable speak and find yourself closing your hand in a fist – from the pain. After a few minutes, that intense pain is gone. And you think, “I’ll take my medicine to help me get through the next one.” And I do.

Laurynas Mereckas

I take the concoction that the doctor thinks will truly work this time! He say’s, “take these two in the morning, this one for nausea, this one for vertigo and these 2 at night.” I see him on my next visit and tell him, it’s a go! It’s working, the combination that we’re trying is working!

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And because nothing is perfect, nothing comes without a ‘cost,’ I tell him about my side effects. The medicine although helping relieve the pain, discomfort, aches and the daily needle like pain, the side effects take time to accept. All medicine have side effects and that’s the truth. And my medicine, are for the most part, muscle relaxers. If you recall, what I have is all in the nervous system – the brain and spinal cord. These muscle relaxers cause a ‘sedation’ type effect on your body. It brings on fatigue and weakness, which in turn cause me to feel extremely tired.

It’s a feeling of having not had slept in a long time. That sleep that causes you to close your eyes while speaking to someone – oh but you don’t intend to be rude! You just can’t help it! And you sleep and sleep and sleep. Because the sleep is what removes you from the pain and for short periods of time, you’re taken to a place where you are in pain no more.

In turn for taking my prescription medicine …

I feel left out,

Alone and afraid,

Like a bad mom, wife,

Like I can’t keep up with life or my kids.

It’s caused me to …

lose friendships,

give up friendships,

cancel, and

feel frustrated.

Yes, it’s true! You take something on to then give up others. You give up the life you once knew, for the life that’s been handed. The new cards. The new circumstance. The life with chronic pain.

A-

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21 thoughts on “My Life With Medicine – The Chronic Pain Truth

    1. I should resort to cussing more often! Ha! Because it is truly frustrating.
      You’re not alone! It happens to me. I try to be so careful as to not sound like I’m all over the place. Last year I mentioned to my neurologist how I fumble on my thoughts and words. I’ve having a hard time remembering things, specific things, dates, etc. And definitely have a hard time following a conversation, face to face. It’s also overstimulating for me and I end up feeling super sick afterwards. I’ve mentioned it to him a few times 🙄 And finally, on our last appointment he mentioned, if the next time we saw one another I was still concerned, he’d send me to a specialist. And again it’s the patient advocating for themselves – unfortunately.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s amazing to know! I’m still praying on the decision whether or not to do it. As it’ll be a massive change – whatever is best for our children. I think we need to continue to put their needs first and well put in the work later with them.

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      1. I wish I had more time to dedicate to blogging but it’s been nuts around here. Just this morning D called 9-1-1 from my phone 🙄😒. But back to you, I admire your strength – just remember you’re never alone or a bad mom. 🦸🏻‍♀️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wow! Yes, it’ll happen 😩
        Oh don’t feel too bad! I’m on the same position. I’d like to do more with it and it just seems like time isn’t on my side. I do love it though. It gives me an outlet to put down/write what’s weighing in my heart.
        Thank you, thank you so much! Your words mean a lot to me. 😊🙏🏼 Likewise! We do what we can as mothers, to our best of our abilities. And that’s all our children ask for.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh I know my friend! I know you do. Thank you. I find comfort in knowing that others understand. It’s such a complex ‘situation.’ At moments you’re feeling ok, the next it’s a bit of a nightmare. It has its ups and downs.
      But, it helps to have a good support system as well. Even if it’s your immediate family, it helps to have them understand. 😌🙏🏼

      Liked by 2 people

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