Brain Surgery May 9, 2013 – Chiari Malformation

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May 9, 2013 is marked within the deepest part of her soul. 

It’s only brain surgery they said.

8 hours into a place of the unknown, she drifted to a deep sleep. 

You never know who or what may change your life – until it does.

And the 8 hours are up, she awakes to a new life – a life of chronic pain that can only been seen in her face.

It’s an invisible illness they said. 

She struggles to maintain her composure.

How does one live with pain, deep pain, pain that doesn’t discriminate and doesn’t stop to ask you your name.

SHE does, she struggles, she cries, she hurts, she screams, she writes, she draws, she smiles, because when time doesn’t stop, she can’t stop.

And when she asks for help, he says, I can’t take the pain, but I can give you something for the pain.

She continues to scream the silent scream.

Be grateful, be thankful – they say.

But when one has no other choice but to be strong, then strong she is. 

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month and being that our mental health is just as important as your physical health, I encourage you to get screened, get help or ask for help. There are both adults and children going through some type of mental illness – break the stigma, it’s not bad, you’re not crazy and you can get better by getting help.

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Photo: Max van den Oetelaar

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Reblog Wednesday: Lies I Tell Myself: IV — chiariconversations

This weeks ‘Reblog Wednesday’ has come at the perfect time, and it’s by none other than Michelle over at Chiari Conversations. She’s a fellow Chiarian and her vulnerability and honesty is like breathing fresh air each time I read her posts. If you have neurological issues, or are a fellow Chiarian yourself, please follow her journey along!

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And I say it comes at the perfect time because I have not been quite myself, the body pains have increased, my left leg and foot have been getting increasingly numb and the vertigo, well, the vertigo is a pain in the rear end! I’m going on 6 years since my brain surgery for my Chiari Malformation and every day feels much like I’m going through a slow death – only I’m still here and my brain is being squished by the minute. The stabbing pain behind my neck doesn’t subside and what seems to be the never ending hospital / doctor visits can make me feel much like an elderly than a young mom.  As Michelle clearly states, a few years ago I really don’t know how I could have handled these constant headaches. It’s not your casual headache, ‘you missed a meal, you are a little stressed’ kind of head ache – no my dearest friend and reader, this is a, run and close the blinds, turn off the lights, turn off the volume to everything, including the neighbors barking dog and let’s hibernate for say, a few weeks – kind of headache! The one where you momentary just wish to be a vampire, because lets face it, I wish the world around me was pitch dark, complete darkness.

If you have Chiari Malformation or not, maybe you are dealing other health issues and can relate …

The feelings of wanting to feel like wanting to enjoy life / social gathering without having the next day or even weeks be filled with even more pain and misery. Yes!

The feeling of not wanting to be told ‘you’re strong’ but know that I’d rather lay in bed in a fetal position because I can’t take the pain. Yes! 

The wanting to go to the store and not have to worry about my left leg – body, being overstimulated and being at risk of falling in public. Yes! 

The wanting to go out to a public place, say, church, etc. and just setting it on mute because the chatter and noise level is too loud for my brain to handle. Yes!

The need to want to be ‘able’ and not ‘unable.’ Yes! 

The feeling of constantly needing help, because lets face it, I can’t do it all – literally. Yes!

The need to want to tell scream people to ‘get.to.the.point’ because conversations overstimulate my brain. Yes! 

The wanting to stop being told, ‘but you look good’ because I know that if I looked like how I felt, I’d scare even my own offspring. Yes! and Yes!

What are some of your new normal’s?

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It can be difficult to really KNOW whether the pain is normal or not when dealing with neurological issues. It doesn’t help that pain is personal even in the temporal sense. Five years ago, I WOULD NOT have been able to handle this level of constant headache. I would have thought I was dying. Today, […]

via Lies I Tell Myself: IV — chiariconversations

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Versatile Blogger Award

I’ve been nominated for this award by the ever so strong and wonderful James over at My Place 3187. This is my first ‘Versatile Blogger Award’ and am beyond excited, so thank you again James for thinking of me.

Versatile Blogger Award

Rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who Nominated you for this Award.
  2. Include a link to their blog.
  3. Select 15 Bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.
  4. Nominate these 15 Bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award.
  5. Let each of your Nominees know that you have Nominated them on one of their blog posts.
  6. Finally, tell the blogger who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

Seven Things About Myself:

  1. This is a BIG one – ready?! My name is Ana not Chiari
  2. I don’t like chocolate – but do enjoy other desserts and treats
  3. I have six little’s – no twins, you read right, six (Enlgish), seis (Spanish), sei (Italian)
  4. I’m fluent in English and Español 
  5. I know my numbers in Italiano – only, I tried
  6. I was diagnosed in 2013 with Chiari Malformation + Syringomyelia a congenital condition and brain disorder, I’ve had brain surgery for Chiari Malformation (decompression craniectomy) and in 2017 spinal canal surgery for Syringomyelia (laminectomy) – was placed a syrinx-shunt
  7. I have a YouTube Channel – simple and easy nail polish tutorials

Bonus: I enjoy all types of music – including country … my current replay / favorite Bebe Rexha feat. Florida Georgia Line ‘Meant To Be’ – so good!

My Nominees Are:

Bereaved Single Dad

All The Shoes I Wear

Cole Camp Fire Blog

Jason Frels

The Eclectic Contrarian

Something To Stu Over

Everyday Magic With Jubilee

Maggie Tiggles

Fight MS Daily

WCR 281

Simply Chronically Ill

Miraculous Smile

My Namaste 365 Online

A sweet thank you to all my nominees, I always enjoy your posts and look forward to reading ‘seven things’ about you all!

A-

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