Reblog Wednesday: How to Set Boundaries with a Toxic Person — MakeItUltra™ Psychology

It’s rather a bit unsettling to think of the need to cut ties with someone. At times they’re friendships or even a family member. As I continue to grow, I’ve realized what I want, what I will accept and will not tolerate in friendships and overall relationships. I believe this to be an internal battle also because I was taught to love thy neighbor, to accept people as they are, and to love in the dimension of the cross. But what happens when others no longer serve a positive purpose in my life, when they no longer lift me, but rather break me. Please, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe we will have our moments with others when we will disagree, and we’ll forgive one another and move on. But what if this is recurring and happening constantly?! What if I consider myself a good friend and yet have come to realize a friendship in my life isn’t reciprocating the same level of love and respect for our friendship. You know, that one sided friendship, do you cut ties, do you call it quits or do you continue to accept their behavior?!

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This week I bring you this wonderful post on the matter by the very talented Dr. Perry over at Make It Ultra. He lists a few suggestions he uses in his practice on how to create healthy boundaries with others. He first mentions to be honest with the other person about your feelings, not adding to the negativity and not fearing the loss of a relationship that just feeds you negativity. If you haven’t read the full post, please stop by his blog!

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Written by Dr. Perry, PhD Image Credit: Pixabay “People inspire you or they drain you. Pick them wisely.” ~Hans F. Hansen We all know at least one person who seems to walk around in a state of doom and gloom. They are in short supply of joy but have an overabundance of negativity. This individual may […]

via How to Set Boundaries with a Toxic Person — MakeItUltra™ Psychology

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Actress Selma Blair And Her MS Diagnosis

If there’s one thing I enjoy doing, is watching early morning TV while sipping on coffee. The older children have gone off to school and my littlest babies are still in bed asleep. This morning was the same, only today, an interview with actress Selma Blair with host Robin Roberts resonated with me.

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In this interview actress Selma Blair shares her journey of living with MS – Multiple Scoliosis, a disease in which the immune system eats away the protective covering of the nerves. It can affect the brain, spinal cord and the optic nerves in your eyes. Aside from causing problems with vision, it affects your balance and muscle control, just to name a few. She has the most aggressive form of MS, and it has now affected her speech, as you’ll notice in her interview – spasmodic dysphonia, as well has her walking, which she now relies on a cane for assistance.

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Once again I saw yet another disease trying to strip away the life of a woman and first and foremost a mother. I can relate to her, as I myself am living with Chiari Malformation. It makes you forget all that you knew, the life you knew and emerges you in a new life that is so foreign it may as well bring you to your knees. At times not even knowing what hurts more, as it becomes nearly impossible to vocalize what is wrong and what one is psychically feeling.

In this interview actress Selma Blair mentions …

an experience while having to take her son to school about a mile away, when returning home, having to pull over mid way to take a nap. I can’t take my kids to school, physically my driving is limited, and when I do, it must be close to home. And I understand the need, that dire need to nap. It’s an overwhelming feeling, it takes over your body and mind, and you absolutely have to lie down – ASAP, and sleep.

shame, shame that comes with having chronic pain and a disease that inevitably prevents you from being the mother you desire to be. And all you can do is what you can, to the best of your ability.

telling her son. She mentions that it wasn’t at all difficult sharing her diagnosis with her son. And I agree! Telling the children is so important. In my case, we’ve been open with the children, from why mommy needs quiet, why mommy needs to sleep, to why mommy needs to visit the doctor and why mommy needs to do an MRI. It is paramount to keep the children in the loop!

‘what gets you through those difficult days?’ … she gets in bed and doesn’t move. You just can’t do it all and it’s fine to feel crappy. Her son gets it and she has learned not to feel guilty. This is such an important message. A message to all those parents, that feel the need to play a role they can no longer play, the one where they can do it all, without the need of a break. When you’ve been diagnosed with something like MS or Chiari Malformation, you will have those days where you can’t move, where you get stopped in your tracks and can no longer move. Don’t do more than what your body can handle, put the guilt aside and live your truth. As she said, ‘it’s fine to feel crappy.’

If you haven’t seen the interview, I encourage you to do so, spreading awareness is essential as it motivates others to come out of the shadows and not feel ashamed or alone. When you voice your experience, you not only give a face to the illness, but you help others that are going through the same.

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Reblog Wednesday: I Asked God: A Facebook Post From A Friend — Something to Stu Over

This post for ‘Reblog Wednesday’ couldn’t have come at a better time. The thoughts of wanting to feel better physically are reoccurring thoughts, coming in too often throughout my day. And the fact that I can’t change my circumstance or diagnosis is evident in this post and is the perfect reminder of things I conveniently choose to forget. This ‘Reblog Wednesday’ is from a blogger I hold dear and near to my heart, Stuarthis honesty, love for Christ and life, is what I appreciate from reading his work. I couldn’t appreciate him more than I already do.

This post unraveled the truths of my reality. I can either learn to accept my reality or continue to live in the falsehood of reminiscing of what my life once was – life without the prescription medication and physical pain. It’s up to me. If I can only touch ground, ‘come back to Earth,’ as they say, and stop living in the clouds, I’d be able to open my eyes to see my life as it is. And perhaps only then will my sense of purpose fuel my desire to live a more happy and fulfilled life.

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The conversation with God in the post reminded me of my own conversations with God.

I  want to tell God what to fix in my life …

my diagnosis – fix it, reverse it,

my physical pain – take it away,

my old, ‘normal self’ – bring her back,

my finances – increase it,

my brain / head – make it stop spinning,

my son’s autism diagnosis – make it better,

my happiness – give me more of it.

And all the while, I’ve been praying for what I cannot change. He’s saying surrender, trust me, leave it to me as I do all things for a reason – beyond your humble comprehension. The reasons for it, all will be revealed in due time – patience. And love, love is what I need, it’s what I should be praying more for, so that I may accept my diagnosis with love, accept things that I will not be able to change.

The trials and tribulations are only there to get me away from worldly things and closer to Him.

Have a blessed day.

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I asked God to take away my habit. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up. I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No.. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary. I asked God to grant me patience. God […]

via I Asked God: A Facebook Post From A Friend — Something to Stu Over

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Chiari Sister, I See You

Chiari Sister, I See You

As a stay at home mom, I frequently think about other moms that are in my position. It’s no secret that the stay at home parent doesn’t get enough credit. The day to day seems lost in translation to many, except the one living it. And often we need the reassurance, because as mothers – humans, we want to be seen and loved.

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Whether you have Chiari Malformation + Syringomyelia or any other illness that physically impairs you from feeling your best, know that you are doing your very best. I often compare myself to the wrong people, to those that don’t have physical pain and not needing to be medicated for pain relief.

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As for the stay at home parent living with chronic pain though, the day to day is different and is a tiny bit more challenging. And for me, the physical pain can cause me to have self-doubt, so today, to my chronic pain brothers and sisters, I want you to know, I hear you and see you.

I want to reassure you that you are enough.

Just in case you haven’t heard it today, you did good!

You did more cleaning than your body could handle. It’s OK, not to do more, your body will thank you later.

Yes, it’s OK, the rest can wait.

You folded the laundry that had been sitting in the basket for over a week – no judgment, you did it!

You cooked a meal with love, and that’s all your family could ask for.

You’re pushing through the pain with every step you take – you’re a warrior!

Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re 1 in 1,000 uniquely designed people and not everyone will understand – and that’s OK!

Push through, shower; push through, brush your hair; push through, push through, push through.

Take a break, a much needed break.

Know that your illness doesn’t define you – you are beautiful, believe it.

You are so loved, and you are just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.

You are not alone.

Chiari sister – I see you.

A-

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Reblog Wednesday: Fail and keep failing — Cristian Mihai

If there’s anything that can be discouraging, is trying to achieve something and getting nowhere with it. That idea you had, maybe you have never gone anywhere with it because of fear, fear of failure, or even fear of success. Whatever it is, this post here by Cristian Mihai is very encouraging and highlights a few truths on our idea of failure. Maybe you grew up with very little – like me, and think this is what your life is suppose to be, you were born poor and you will remain poor. If this is the way you’re thinking, then yes, you will remain poor. However, this doesn’t have to be, this doesn’t have to be your life, your destiny. You can change it. And I’ll share this video with you from Dan Peña going a little more in depth on parents and what most people grew up seeing. You know, the parents working and living pay check to pay check, because that’s what most of us grew up looking at. We’re creatures of habit, and the difference between the rich and the poor is habit, as Dan Lok states.

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Cristian also highlights, with hard work and a change of mind frame. You can change the way you think and work hard. You also don’t need to be ultra smart, fancy, and good looking to make it. Anyone can make it. Anyone. However, it’s completely on you whether or not you believe you can, that makes all the difference.

A few of the motivational speakers I listen to and watch on YouTube on entrepreneurship, sales and money, etc. are Dan Lok, Grant Cardone and Dan Peña – feel free to look at other of their videos. If you have no idea who these men are, these videos will give you a glimpse and general idea of what their channel is all about. I will give you a heads up, these are very straight forward, no ‘bs’ speaking men – especially Dan Peña. They speak and tell it like it is, cursing and all, however they will tell you the truth on why you don’t have money and continue to live pay check to pay check. If you appreciate the truth or not, they are speaking on experience and how they got to where they’re at now. Enjoy!

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“The secret of life…is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.” – Paulo Coelho The bitter truth is that no one who’s good at something knows much about why they’re good. The secret got lost after thousands and thousands of failures. The thing is, they subconsciously know it’s simple: you fail and […]

via Fail and keep failing — Cristian Mihai

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Reblog Wednesday: Lies I Tell Myself: IV — chiariconversations

This weeks ‘Reblog Wednesday’ has come at the perfect time, and it’s by none other than Michelle over at Chiari Conversations. She’s a fellow Chiarian and her vulnerability and honesty is like breathing fresh air each time I read her posts. If you have neurological issues, or are a fellow Chiarian yourself, please follow her journey along!

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And I say it comes at the perfect time because I have not been quite myself, the body pains have increased, my left leg and foot have been getting increasingly numb and the vertigo, well, the vertigo is a pain in the rear end! I’m going on 6 years since my brain surgery for my Chiari Malformation and every day feels much like I’m going through a slow death – only I’m still here and my brain is being squished by the minute. The stabbing pain behind my neck doesn’t subside and what seems to be the never ending hospital / doctor visits can make me feel much like an elderly than a young mom.  As Michelle clearly states, a few years ago I really don’t know how I could have handled these constant headaches. It’s not your casual headache, ‘you missed a meal, you are a little stressed’ kind of head ache – no my dearest friend and reader, this is a, run and close the blinds, turn off the lights, turn off the volume to everything, including the neighbors barking dog and let’s hibernate for say, a few weeks – kind of headache! The one where you momentary just wish to be a vampire, because lets face it, I wish the world around me was pitch dark, complete darkness.

If you have Chiari Malformation or not, maybe you are dealing other health issues and can relate …

The feelings of wanting to feel like wanting to enjoy life / social gathering without having the next day or even weeks be filled with even more pain and misery. Yes!

The feeling of not wanting to be told ‘you’re strong’ but know that I’d rather lay in bed in a fetal position because I can’t take the pain. Yes! 

The wanting to go to the store and not have to worry about my left leg – body, being overstimulated and being at risk of falling in public. Yes! 

The wanting to go out to a public place, say, church, etc. and just setting it on mute because the chatter and noise level is too loud for my brain to handle. Yes!

The need to want to be ‘able’ and not ‘unable.’ Yes! 

The feeling of constantly needing help, because lets face it, I can’t do it all – literally. Yes!

The need to want to tell scream people to ‘get.to.the.point’ because conversations overstimulate my brain. Yes! 

The wanting to stop being told, ‘but you look good’ because I know that if I looked like how I felt, I’d scare even my own offspring. Yes! and Yes!

What are some of your new normal’s?

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It can be difficult to really KNOW whether the pain is normal or not when dealing with neurological issues. It doesn’t help that pain is personal even in the temporal sense. Five years ago, I WOULD NOT have been able to handle this level of constant headache. I would have thought I was dying. Today, […]

via Lies I Tell Myself: IV — chiariconversations

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The Liebster Award – 4

Thank you to my fellow blogger The Eclectic Contrarian. If you haven’t read his incredible poems or been to his blog for some lifting and motivational writing – pay him a visit! Thank you again for your support, I’m humbled.

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Here’s How It Works:

• Create a new blog post on your blog thanking the person that nominated you, link to their blog and put in a graphic of the award.

• Answer the questions that were provided, and then share some facts about yourself.

• Create a new set of your own questions for others to answer.

• Nominate 5-11 others and share your blog post with them so they can accept their awards

I’ve Been Asked The Following:

-Whats a topic you love and don’t love to write about?

Always appreciate humor. And honesty. Or should I say honesty in form of humor.

I began this blog with Chiari Malformation + Syringomyelia in mind, however, I have my days when I just can’t get myself to speak on the subject. It just seems to drag me down at times, realty sometimes can get the best of me and I choose to not think on the matter.

-Who and what influences you to write?

Life itself, the brutal truths, the humor in life, my kids and what’s been on my mind at that particular time.

-What emotion gets your creative gears rolling?

Whichever emotion I am feeling at that moment is the best in getting me to write. Whether I’m feeling a bit low, happy or excited.

-Do you write from who you are? Or, who you wish you to be?

I like to go with who I am. I may not be everyone’s cup of ‘tea’ but being myself, authenticity is what will be the greatest in the long run. Those whom choose to stay, will and those who don’t, won’t. And that’s OK.

-Are you a city, country, foreign or even fantasy/sci-fi type of person?

Let’s go with foreign. I’m a little complex, but authentic.

Interesting Things About Me:

I’m a whopping 5′ feet tall!

I’m a righty and have two of my little girls that are lefty.

One of my favorite actresses is Julia Roberts and comedians Robin Williams†

I dislike talking on the phone – and texting

I will hold you to your word, which can be both a blessing and a curse.

I like to be punctual / on time to places. I believe firmly in respecting peoples time.

I think communication is key in any relationship, friendship or otherwise.

My family absolutely loves all things Disney World, including Walt Disney himself, his story, life, how it all began, etc.

Am very much looking forward to the movie ‘Toy Story 4’ being released later this year

As a stay at home mom, I like to work in an organized and clean house, otherwise it’s a no-go!

If I can learn how to do it, and do it myself, I will, for instance, painting walls, dying my own hair at home – been doing it for years, and just recently, cutting my boys hair at home because at $20 x3 boys = doing it myself! No offense to the professionals  🙂

I Nominate:

Simply Chronically Ill

Daily Grind Of A Stay At Home Mom

Bereaved Single Dad

Stubaby777

Gods Whispers Of Truth

My Questions To You Are:

• Do you feel your blog represents who you truly are?

• When in a rut, what motivates you to continue to write?

• Is there a topic that is off limits in your writing / blog?

• Was there any one person that motivated you in starting your blog?

Thank you to my nominees, I appreciate your time, so please take your time in responding.

Ana