Dear Ex – A Letter

‘The Angry Therapist’ with John Kim – a therapist, is a podcast I follow. I appreciate listening to his honest opinion from his point of view. A great podcast to follow. He also has great content on his Instagram page – follow him there as well.

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I’ve been wanting to share this one for a while and have finally allowed myself to be untied and unbothered by the what if’s of people and this often judgmental world. I tend to overthink things, what people will say, what the ‘ex’ will think, what, what and what. And in sharing this, this is not to ‘stir the pot’ as they say, or dig into something that’s been left in the past. This is for me, no one else, but me. Also, hoping that you can see yourself in this, and can find comfort in this, or if you know someone that can benefit from this letter, so that you may share it as well.

This episode is titled, ‘Dear Ex, I have something to tell you.’ As he mentions, people have feelings for their ex’s – often ill and don’t know how to move forward. Maybe you’re looking for closure – that’s for a whole other post, for now though, here’s a letter to the ex, letting them know – in a healthy way, that you’re ready to wish them well.

‘Dear Ex, I Have Something To Tell You’ episode from

‘The Angry Therapist’ podcast with John Kim

Dear Ex,

Can we share a moment, a new  one? With nothing attached, forgetting everything we were and why things didn’t work. Releasing all judgment and what if’s. Can we share a moment, just one, where I can see you now – today, as a human being minus expectations, ideas of love, what went wrong and the crumbled check list we had peaking from our back pockets. Can we share the fears before we kissed because those felt real. Can we just be without labels, or dissecting dynamics. For one moment, can I experience you without us. Not to spark or reignite anything but to be reminded that we are nothing more than two people who ran towards something they felt but fell. With scrapped knees and a half smile, can we could just look at each other and laugh, knowing we were fools, but also stood on courage, we believed in something and even if it was short lived, that belief is what love is about, not the promise. Can we share a brand new experience based on what is, because the world doesn’t believe we should, because we’re suppose to close our hearts and look straight ahead waiting for someone new, as if love runs out. Because I miss you before we were we.

* This letter doesn’t mean that … I want to be with you again, this doesn’t mean that I want anything from you. This means that I see you as a human being and I acknowledge what we went through and I’m sorry for the pain. This means that I’m letting go of anger, resentment, and things that I’ve been holding on to. This means that the moment that I want to share with you may not be in real time, but it can be now as you’re listening to this. And as you’re listening to this maybe you’re thinking the same thing and if you are, then that’s all I want. Can we respect each other as human beings. Can we know that what happened wasn’t intentional but came from a place of truth at the time and there’s no more bad feelings. There’s no more anger. And I forgive you. And I hope you forgive me. And this doesn’t mean that we need to see each other again. This just means that we shared a bed and that means something. And this means that, just because we are not in each others lives anymore, doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, or I’m not thinking about you. Not in a way that I want a round two, or a round three, or a round four. In a way that I see you as human and I’m throwing love at you.

Happy Wednesday.

A-

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Note To Self For This New Year – 2020

How incredible that I’ve made it this far?! I want to start the month off by writing a few truths to myself and what version of me I want to be moving forward.

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In living with chronic pain there are always different feelings, one minute I’m tired, the next I’m happy, excited, the next I’m drained and filled with intense physical pain. So, as much as I can’t control nor predict how I’ll be feeling physically, I want to be a little more positive moving forward. It can be draining to feel as if I’m a walking ‘Debby Downer.’ Or am I just imagining that?! Perhaps I am – I tend to be a little dramatic.

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Note to self for this new year – 2020. Be honest with self.

+ Stop feeling sorry for your illness. Things happen, trust in Him that all will be well.

+ Yes. You are sick. Accept it.

+ No one’s judging you for your illness. They just don’t know better.

+ Take your medication, including your vitamins, they’re good for you. Less pain equals less mood swings.

+ Schedule your doctors appointments. It is for your well being. If not for you, for your family.

+ Take charge of your life.

+ Don’t make commitments. You can’t keep them. Not because you don’t want to, but because you can’t predict how you will feel.

+ Your children will admire your strength and determination to keep going – despite it all.

+ Stop wanting people to understand your illness. They don’t. And they won’t. And that’s OK.

+ People don’t understand the energy that it takes for you to be open to ‘doing’ things – accepting visitors etc. It’s OK.

+ Put your energy into those who matter.

+ Be patient. Patience will get you far.

+ Be loving with yourself. Love yourself. Your body will love you for it. The weight gain is minuscule to what really matters. THYROID equals your weight gain. No one is entitled nor deserves to know this. You do. And that’s enough.

+ You’re sick. Accept it. Once you do, you’ll see life differently and only then, will you truly begin to live.

I’m sure there are one or two things that may have slipped my mind. But for now, this is a good start. These truths are not to demean or shame myself, they’re to help me see who I am and who I’d like to be moving forward.

A-

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‘I Look To You’

This morning while trying to get somethings done for my social media accounts, I decided to put on some background music. And I decided on this song, ‘I look to you,’ by the late Whitney Houston. I don’t normally work while listening to music, it’s really distracting and I get nothing done. My work area needs to be quiet and in order. But the calling was there, for me to go back to this song, and it lifted me.

I’ve been connecting with others with Chiari and although I’m grateful, it also tends to try to pull me down. On one hand I’m happy there others experiencing what I’m going through, but on the other, it’s incredibly sad to know there are others trying to get through their day with chronic pain.

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I get asked a few questions when someone realizes my diagnosis, and one that always sticks out is, ‘how do you do it?’ I understand because it’s almost dumbfounding to see this mother of six living with chronic pain. And there is no one answer, there is no perfect answer, actually there is no answer other than Him. He gets me out of bed when my body isn’t able to, He reminds me I am loved when I feel I’m a failure, He helps me take the steps when I’m in too much pain to walk, He holds my head when I feel it’s going to explode in pain, He helps me care for my children when I feel too ill, He reminds me to take my medication because He knows how much I dislike them, it’s Him, that’s how I do it – daily.

If you’ve never heard this song – or haven’t heard it in a while, I invite you to listen. It’s an amazing song, full of hope, because what you’re going through today you will get through by looking up to Him.

My favorite verse in the song, ‘After all my strength is gone, In you I can be strong.’ 

I Look to You
As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I’m lost without a cause
After giving it my all
Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I’ve been through
Who on earth can I turn to
I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
Yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
After losing my breath
There’s no more fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door
And every road that I’ve taken
Led to my regret
And I don’t know if I’m gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head
I look to you
I look to you
Yeah
And when all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
Oh yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you

A-

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Reblog Wednesday: Success Is Not By Accident: Perseverance And Hard Work – The Key To Success — Motivation, inspirational articles, quotes and life hacks

I read this post by Savvy Life 101 and was so inspired by it, I thought I’d share it with you for ‘Reblog Wednesday.’ I recently wrote a post on Lack of Motivation and what I do to keep me motivated while living with chronic pain. And I shared a picture that I hope inspires you, a picture of the places where top companies got their start, companies like Google, Disney and Mattel.

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This post that I share with you today is in correlation with my post, how anyone can be successful, anyone. We all have the same amount of time in the day, wealthy or not. The difference is the productivity, are you wasting away the hours in the day or are you practicing healthy habits and taking advantage of the hours in your day and working smart.

It’s not a matter of being born into a life of wealth to be successful, it’s a matter of wanting to reach your desire goal and how much you are willing to do to reach it. The post lists 5 great points to help you get organized and on your way to thinking what changes need to be made in order to get to where you want to be.

Do you want to earn more money to live more comfortably, do you want to stop living pay check to pay check, do you want to finally begin that what never began? Read the post, where I’m sure you’ll get some helpful tips to get you started.

A-

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Success Is Not By Accident: It Is Hard Work Do you want to succeed in life? I’m sure the answer is probably yes. Listen up closely so that I can give you one of the best advice in life: Success is not by accident. You have to work smart and hard for it. We all […]

via Success Is Not By Accident: Perseverance And Hard Work – The Key To Success — Motivation, inspirational articles, quotes and life hacks

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When You Lack Motivation

I came across this picture and it gave me a great perspective on how big things have come from the modest of places – like a garage. How amazing is this picture?! What more motivation does one need?! I’ll be honest, I stared at it for quite some time.

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If there’s one thing you and I have in common is that there’s always something that is holding us back. We want to do something, great or small, but we create excuses that keep us from getting it done.

What do you want to do?

Where do you want to go?

How will you get there?

… What’s holding you back?

What’s holding me back? …. It’s either my illness, my family or some other excuse that I allow to convince me, that now is not the time.

I was once in a place where I felt stuck, frozen and hesitant about taking the next step.

I was ‘thinking’ about creating a YouTube channel, if you are too, I’d say, ‘just go for it.’

Or ‘thinking’ about creating a blog, if you are too, I’d say, ‘just go for it.’

Or ‘thinking’ about creating an online store, if you are too, I’d say, ‘just go for it.’

Or say an Instagram account, if that’s you, I’d say, ‘just go for it.’

Because the growth will probably be slow and the learning will take some time, but all that matters is that you’re doing what you’re passionate about – continue to grow, continue to learn, and let’s be honest eventually the money will come.

Lastly, if you’re living with chronic pain like I am, be patient. Our bodies are not what they were before our diagnosis, your body will guide you, get things done when you can – or pain levels allow, prioritize things, create a schedule for yourself – even if it’s one task a day. You’ll see that slowly but surely things will come together and things will get done.

Do you struggle with staying motivated? What keeps you moving?

A-

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Sunshine Blogger Award – 3

Thank you to the very witty and lovely blogger Sean over at The Land Manatee – if you haven’t read his responses, you must! Because who wouldn’t want to be sipping on some ‘Cuba Libre’ otherwise known as ‘una mentirita’ or ‘little lie’ while trying to decide whether to travel to Italy or Greece?!

About the Sunshine Blogger Award:

This award is given to bloggers by other bloggers who feel they display positivity, creativity, and sunshine via their content. It’s an honor to be recognized by your colleagues and peers. It keeps the motivation high which is essential in the writing community.

The Rules For the Award:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their blog.
  2. Answer the 11 questions you’ve been asked.
  3. Nominate 11 new bloggers and ask them 11 questions.
  4. Inform your nominees through commenting on their post.

Sean’s Questions for His Nominees:

1. Why did you start blogging?

To shed some light on Chiari Malformation and Syringomyelia.

2. What have you learned along the way and how have you improved as a blogger?

Consistency is key. Also, connecting with your subscribers, being able to answer to the comments is appreciated.

3. What’s a challenge in life you overcame?

Lack of self-confidence. I’ve realized that you’ll never truly make others happy. Because when others are unhappy with themselves, they’ll find a reason to put you down, no matter what you do. So, I’ve learned to overcome and stop trying to make others like me and have gained self-confidence along the way.

4. Who has been a big influence on your life?

Because I live with chronic pain, I’ve learned to look up and not down. In other words, Jesus.

5. Do you have a hidden talent? If not, what do you wish it was?

I like Sean’s answer to number 9 – patience, God knew what He was doing when He sent me my little ones, it’s not always easy, but definitely worth it.

6. Where would you like to be in your life in 5 years?

I’d love to move somewhere in the Orlando area. We’re Disney Annual Pass Holders and can’t get to Disney World as many times as we’d like – even living just a few hours away.

7. What would your dream job be and why?

It’d be something in the legal field. I was working in the legal field before becoming a full time stay at home mom, and my heart loves the legal world.

8. How would you describe your perfect day?

No medicines and a pain free day!

9. If you decided to move to a new country or city, where would you want to live and why?

Somewhere in the Orlando area, close to the Disney World parks. I’d like to take advantage while my kids are still little.

10. What famous person or celebrity at any point in history would you like to meet and what would you want to talk about or ask that person?

I would love to meet this super star – in my eyes, Keala Settle from the movie “The Greatest Showman.” The song “This Is Me” has become an anthem in my heart and I’d love to let her know just that, ” … I’m not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me.”

If you haven’t seen the movie, or heard this amazing woman sing, I share this clip with you below.

11. In what fundamental way have you changed over the years?

A health diagnosis in 2013 changed me – for the better or worse, I’m still trying to figure that out, but it’s definitely helped me appreciate today.

My Nominees:

Simply Chronically Ill

The Eclectic Contrarian

All The Shoes I Wear

My Questions for My Nominees:

(taken from Sean)

  1. Why did you start blogging?
  2. What have you learned along the way and how have you improved as a blogger?
  3. What’s a challenge in life you overcame?
  4. Who has been a big influence on your life?
  5. Do you have a hidden talent? If not, what do you wish it was?
  6. Where would you like to be in your life in 5 years?
  7. What would your dream job be and why?
  8. How would you describe your perfect day?
  9. If you decided to move to a new country or city, where would you want to live and why?
  10. What famous person or celebrity at any point in history would you like to meet and what would you want to talk about or ask that person?
  11. In what fundamental way have you changed over the years?

Thank you in advance to all my nominees!

A-

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Reblog Wednesday: Get on your back — A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent.

This reblog is from Bereaved Single Dad – blogger and father to a son. As they say, it’s never  too late, too late to become educated, to learn, to become aware and to shed light on things that matter to you. Him and I share one thing that’s close and dear to our hearts and that is our sons have been labeled many things, which only means they are extra special.

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I recently saw the comedian Amy Schumer’s Netflix special, ‘Growing.’ She opens up on her husbands autism diagnosis. She and her husband – a chef, are expecting their first child. It was also evident that in the midst of a diagnosis we can still find laughter and joy.

“Once he was diagnosed, it dawned on me how funny it was, because all of the characteristics that make it clear that he’s on the spectrum are all of the reasons that I fell madly in love with him,” she says in the ‘Growing’ Netflix special. “That’s the truth. He says whatever is on his mind. He keeps it so real. He doesn’t care about social norms or what you expect him to say or do.”

This reminded me of my son – he says as he sees it, he’s now 9 years old, working hard in school and continues his speech therapy. You can read more on my son’s Autism diagnosis here. When I first heard her speak on the topic it was hard not  to feel an overwhelming feeling of hope. The stigma around Autism – as many other diagnosis, is the unknown future. Will he find a special person, a wife, will he have children, a career, etc.? The actress speaking up on her husband’s diagnosis filled me up with both appreciation and hope.

Happy Wednesday.

-Ana

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It’s been a ‘on your back’ sort of day. Not just for the pets. First we played football in the garden. Son wasn’t keen on using his boots so I dug out mine as well. As a I put my boots on I warned son that they would be hard to walk with on the […]

via Get on your back.. — A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent.

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