Reblog Wednesday: I’m more than just a Mom — Momma Meets World

This reblog comes from Momma Meets World where she speaks on asking herself, who she is, who she is as a whole, as a person, as an individual. It struck a cord with me as Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching. As a stay at home mom often times I feel defined by just that, a stay at home mom. And nothing else. I’ve too often felt like there’s a certain shame behind being a ‘stay at home mom.’ As if there’s nothing interesting, nothing exciting, nothing substantial behind the title. I’m not even speaking solely on mom’s, perhaps you’re a single dad, or single mother, or someone going through anything that has a title attached to it that has a negative cognition.

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Why has society placed a negative stigma over parents wanting to raise their kids at home?

And why are some stay at home parents – as myself, seeking to put more on their plates then what they already have? 

Are we trying to prove something? And to whom?

Truth be told, stay at home moms are not at home eating Dum Dums (lollipops) all day – I know, shocker! In my quest to put my ‘stay at home mom’ title on the side somewhere, I realize I’ve done just that, fill  my plate – to the rim. And you can see more here, on the different things I have going on aside from caring for my kids at home. Yes, granted, because of my diagnosis I do these things from home, however they do  take up my time nonetheless. Also, I’ve realized that there’s no other title more important to me than that of a parent, of a mother and that of a stay at home mom.

If you’re on this quest to redefine yourself or rediscover yourself, know that your kids don’t see a title, but rather a loving parent.

In your own quest to find yourself, don’t lose who you are for the sake of proving society wrong, or anyone else wrong, do things for yourself, for your family and know that at the end, all will be well.

A-

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It’s taken me a very long time to realize that I’ve lost who I am. Who is Monica? A few weeks ago I woke up feeling numb. I’m not sure if I felt sadness, or darkness, or anything for that matter…I just felt blank.

via I’m more than just a Mom — Momma Meets World

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Reblog Wednesday: The Miracle Of The Notre Dame Fire — Traditional Catholic Femininity 🌹🙏🌹

I believe you are already aware of this no matter your religious beliefs, on Monday, April 15, 2019 the Notre-Dame de Paris (Our Lady Of Paris) Cathedral experienced a devastating fire. The 850 year old cathedral has been given many different restoration time frames – a professor of medieval cathedrals stating it would take about two decades to complete. It has also been said they will be closing it for about 5 to 6 years following the fire as it has weakened the cathedral. As of today there have been donations pouring in for the restoration, nearly $1 billion dollars.

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In this combination of photos, flames and smoke rise as the spire on the Notre Dame Cathedral collapses during a fire in Paris, Monday, April 15, 2019. 

The post I share with you today from Trad Cat Fem brings you in great detail the history of the Notre-Dame de Paris Cathedral. I invite you to read as I found it to be so informative, seeing before and after the fire pictures from inside the cathedral, and seeing pictures of the real Crown of Thorns that have been saved from the fire.

A-

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Weeping May Endure For The Night…

via The Miracle Of The Notre Dame Fire — Traditional Catholic Femininity 🌹🙏🌹

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Reblog Wednesday: Supreme — I refuse to give up

If it’s one of many things that I enjoy doing, is reading a good poem. The one that flows and touches the heart. Those are the greatest kind. This one here is by a fellow blogger Sakshi. It’s both touching and speaks the truth on the reality of love. Because many times I won’t be the easiest to love, to understand, but a true kind of love will be there regardless of what life may throw our way – and as Sakshi put it so well and I quote,

” ….. To embrace me

Not only on days when

I am at my best

But also in distress

When I am such a mess “

And if you enjoy poems as much as I do, take a look at her blog I Refuse To Give Up – it’s phenomenal!

Happy Wednesday.

A-

I stick to my belief Love is supreme And the warmth of it’s heat Should dissolve every fear Vaporize every tear If we adhere For you will be there To embrace me Not only on days when I am at my best But also in distress When I am such a mess © Sakshi Gangwani […]

via Supreme — I refuse to give up

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Reblog Wednesday: Reaching the top of the mountain… — Cristian Mihai

Reblog Wednesday: Reaching the top of the mountain… — Cristian Mihai

If you haven’t visited Cristian’s blog, I encourage you to do so. I wanted to share this one here with you.

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This post here in was full of truth. I’ve always thought that often times, I am my own worst critic. I live with chronic pain which in return is followed by self-doubt. I try not to blame others for my physical pain and diagnosis, you know, answer with an attitude or be harsh, after all it’s no one’s fault as to what I’m feeling. I’ve also seen that when I want to start something new, have an idea for something, I am quick to have reasons as to why I can’t do it – before it even begins. I begin to write up a list in my mind as to why I can’t reach things, won’t achieve them and in turn my ideas go to waste, the opportunity slips away. This mountain that is often full of pain and anger, it’s full of negativity, of self doubt and unaccomplished things. Maybe it’s due to my diagnosis, or my son’s autism diagnosis or just a combination of many things. Nonetheless, this is the mountain that I always try to move for myself – daily. It has to be done, otherwise, this mountain can turn into depression, anxiety, and instead of climbing it, I can fall from it. This is a mountain that often goes unseen by others, but that I feel deep in my soul.

Fortunately, with age comes wisdom, faith and hope. The wisdom to know when I need to stop the negative thinking, the faith of knowing that all things can be done through Him, and the hope of knowing that there will always be light, as long as I’m willing to see it.

Do you have mountains, how do you move them?

A-

“It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.” – Muhammad Ali Ever felt like a failure? Worthless? Lonely being redemption, broken beyond repair. A waste of time? Ever felt that it just doesn’t matter? Ever felt like you couldn’t do something because it was too difficult? […]

via Reaching the top of the mountain… — Cristian Mihai

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Release The Pressure

Release The Pressure

I don’t often watch television, but do have some programs set on the DVR. On some days when the time is just right, I’ll watch something live – today was one of those days. I’ve not only been a little on edge because of last weeks visit to the ENT  but also feel at times overwhelmed, I’m the one people come to for comfort or to be heard – not that it’s a bad thing. My therapist once told me, it’s a good thing to listen to someone speak about their own struggles because at times it can give you a sense of comfort knowing that you are not alone. Can I remind you of the quote, ‘misery loves company’? Yes, sometimes within my own ‘misery,’ I like to find someone else who’s living within the same miserable state. It makes me feel less alone, ultimately, less miserable. It’s helpful! But it can be hard to be present in someones else’s life when I have ongoing health issues – not to mention the biggest one of them all, Chiari. I do it of course! However, I lend an ear out of respect because I’ve been sought after, but would I rather be doing something else, absolutely!

“Do not become the 911 in everybody’s life, just stop and release yourself of the pressure.”

– Steve Harvey

As the little ones took their afternoon nap, today I was able to watch the Steve Harvey Show. He’s funny, he’s witty and one of the few adults with wisdom. Yes, I’m that person that believes age doesn’t always equal wisdom. So, today the topic of ‘releasing the pressure from yourself’ came up. That was music to my ears folks! Yes, yes! Do you have that friend or family member that only calls when they need you, when they need something from you, when they need you to do something for them? Do you feel responsible to help them, to be there for them, to do what they’ve just asked you to do? Yes, I’m there, I have those! So, he was saying to take the pressure off from the need to be there for them. It’s not in a condescending way – no! It’s for yourself, do this for you! ‘You are only responsible for your children. If the person is not your child, then you are not responsible for them and you are welcome to take the pressure off yourself!’ He brought a point we too often forget and a good point at that, ‘if they didn’t have you, what would they do?’ So, he also recommended you stop receiving their calls, because all their calls tend to be for ‘requests’ and if you can, to stop listening to your voicemails, because 95% of the time voicemails are ‘requests’. They will leave that voicemail saying, ‘call me, it’s important.’ I couldn’t help but laugh, because it true! It’s so true! If you’re not laughing, maybe it’s because you’re the other person. Eek! I often think, wait, I need to answer or I need to listen to the voicemail because, what if it’s an emergency?! Here’s what Mr. Harvey said, ‘all emergencies or problems pass within 24 hours’ and encourages that you ‘don’t become the 911 in everybody’s life, just stop and release yourself of the pressure.’ And I think, if it were an actual emergency, they’d be calling 911 – not you.

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One of my children’s movies comes to mind and it says it best, ‘sit down before you hurt yourself!’ We put so much pressure on ourselves to be in everyone else’s lives, we forget to be present in our own. And I am a firm believer on how stress and anxiety can may very well be the culprit of the way you feel, this pressure makes you sick – literally. I don’t know why I needed to hear that today, but I’m so glad I did, some reassurance is good and always welcomed!  It’s good to put me/you first and not feel remorseful for it.

Happy day!

A-

Food For Thought: Calm a fearful heart

Food For Thought: Calm a fearful heart

‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.’Philippians 4:6

‘Be still, and know that I am God.’Psalm 46:10

As a mother, I often feel rushed, as if I don’t have time, time to gather my thoughts, time for myself, time to be still or time to take a deep breathe. It’s the endless things to do, the never ending things to clean, to sort, to fold, etc. The stress then triggers anxiety and it all feels as if I can’t breathe and time continues to move forward.

Aside from my Chiari + Syringomyelia I also have Hypothyroidism. I’ve been taking medication for the Hypothyroidism for a number of years, maybe 10 plus years. However, for the past couple of years it’s become an area of concern – this year having the symptoms worsening. I had decided to tackle my Syringomyelia first before taking on another health challenge – one thing at a time.

I’ve been a ‘responsible’ adult and made my list of things that need to be done to get to the ‘bottom’ of all this. I’ve seen a second opinion with a well known Endocrinologist – check, had my blood tested for him – check, had an ultrasound of my throat – check and finally Wednesday, saw the throat specialist or ENT, also known as the Otolaryngologist – check. As you know with the mountain of paper work that needs to get filled out when it’s the first visit, I listed my medications, surgeries, symptoms, etc. There he noticed one of my symptoms was vertigo and recommend I see a colleague of his to check my ears – sometimes an unknown issue with the ears can cause vertigo and imbalance. I’ve had my ears check before and nothing was found, but I’ll get them checked again – it doesn’t hurt to get a second opinion.

So, the outcome of my visit today with the ENT, I need to get a CT Scan done of my throat because lo and behold, a CT Scan gives better results than an ultrasound! After that, a biopsy, my ultrasound shows thyroid nodules that need to get tested, more than anything he wants to confirm it’s not cancerous either. And then from there he’ll determine and we’ll collectively decide if surgery is an option and or necessary.

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Yet, with all of this my heart is still, calm and at peace. May I be numb to surgeries, numb to never ending health issues that arise, so used to taking medication that have been tested to help me feel any sense of ‘normalcy’? Or am I just naive? I’m not sure, maybe it’s a mix of it all.

I do however know that there’s someone ahead of it all, someone who helps me not fear, not worry so much, not feel useless or hopeless, someone who gives me hope and is the one to calm my heart and is my rock as I sit in the doctors office as he reads me the results. He calms my anxiety and helps me stand to face yet another health concern and potential surgery. It is He who gets me through it all, and it is He who doesn’t leave my side.

Today I think of all those whom received unpleasant news yesterday or today, either it’s yourself or someone close to you, I think of you. Please know, you’re not alone, do not fear and know that there is hope during this time.

He is with you helping you be still. And it is He who reminds you that He is God.

Blessing to all.

A-

Photo: Luke Palmer

Finding peace amongst the chaos in life

Finding peace amongst the chaos in life

I always try to keep in mind that I am not the only one that is going through rough patches in life. May it be a loss, a break up, experiencing some mommy/daddy guilt, don’t understand why things happen, don’t understand how things have happened, how I got here, wish things were different, etc. you get the idea. If you’ve followed my short journey, you know that I’ve experienced life changing surgeries due to Chiari + Syringomyelia. Although many times I’ve tried to put it behind me, there is always something that happens in my day that reminds me of my disability. You know those moments, where you are trying to go about life while trying to forget other parts of your life as well? What do you do? Do you confront them head on, do you even acknowledge them? I know a lot of times we, or rather I, try to put my best foot forward, have my best attitude or simply try to mask what I’m feeling with other more prettier things. This can absolutely happen in this world that is so consumed by technology and phone applications, like Instagram and Facebook. I personally think these outlets pressure us into thinking reality is too ugly to post. But, masking reality can be so exhausting, especially for someone like myself, being a full-time stay at home mom and dealing with chronic pain. It’s exhausting! I know I vent to my wonderful therapist, but I know others don’t have that outlet, either you choose not to or can’t for whatever reason.

I grew up in a relatively strict religious home and was taught at an early age to turn to the Lord for comfort and do His holy will. At the same time and you can read more about it here, I am also a firm believer in finding professional help for things like depression, anxiety, etc. Lately however, hence my reasons for my continued therapeutic sessions have been questioning other things. Have you found yourself there? I’m there. I’m not sure where you find your peace amongst the chaos in life, where do you find your happiness, where do you find your smile, is it in your children, your religion, spouse or partner? I know at times the plans my 15 or even 18 year old self had suddenly come to mind and then reality strikes and there’re the reminder of how none of that happened. However, I also know and am reminded that, you can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will always prevail. What does this mean, well, that if you and I don’t see our life the way we’d imagined it, know that it is however going the way the Lord has planned it. So powerful, yet I still go back and forth with the Lord, like a small child coming back to me after I’ve told them no. Can we compare it that way? Are we that nagging child asking the Lord, why don’t things go my way? As the priest put it on Easter Vigil this year and as you can see, it struck a cord with me, he said, “do you think God made a mistake with you, do you think the bastard sitting next to you isn’t for you?” – aka your spouse. HAHA! There’s nothing like hearing a homily that delivers and gives you a good laugh at the same time.

So, whether you are religious or not, whether you seek in the Lord or not, whether you turn to prayer or not, we are all seeking the same thing, peace and to love and be loved. We are all trying to be seen and heard. If you’re in this same space as myself, I tell you, don’t give up, find support, find the courage to find your voice and ask for help.

Also, know that your struggle is part of your journey. And as the scripture says, “this too shall pass, worries, hardships, and the things of this world are temporary, eternity is forever.” And you my friend are perfectly imperfect and that’s OK.

Ana-

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