‘I Look To You’

This morning while trying to get somethings done for my social media accounts, I decided to put on some background music. And I decided on this song, ‘I look to you,’ by the late Whitney Houston. I don’t normally work while listening to music, it’s really distracting and I get nothing done. My work area needs to be quiet and in order. But the calling was there, for me to go back to this song, and it lifted me.

I’ve been connecting with others with Chiari and although I’m grateful, it also tends to try to pull me down. On one hand I’m happy there others experiencing what I’m going through, but on the other, it’s incredibly sad to know there are others trying to get through their day with chronic pain.

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I get asked a few questions when someone realizes my diagnosis, and one that always sticks out is, ‘how do you do it?’ I understand because it’s almost dumbfounding to see this mother of six living with chronic pain. And there is no one answer, there is no perfect answer, actually there is no answer other than Him. He gets me out of bed when my body isn’t able to, He reminds me I am loved when I feel I’m a failure, He helps me take the steps when I’m in too much pain to walk, He holds my head when I feel it’s going to explode in pain, He helps me care for my children when I feel too ill, He reminds me to take my medication because He knows how much I dislike them, it’s Him, that’s how I do it – daily.

If you’ve never heard this song – or haven’t heard it in a while, I invite you to listen. It’s an amazing song, full of hope, because what you’re going through today you will get through by looking up to Him.

My favorite verse in the song, ‘After all my strength is gone, In you I can be strong.’ 

I Look to You
As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I’m lost without a cause
After giving it my all
Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I’ve been through
Who on earth can I turn to
I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
Yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
After losing my breath
There’s no more fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door
And every road that I’ve taken
Led to my regret
And I don’t know if I’m gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head
I look to you
I look to you
Yeah
And when all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
Oh yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you

A-

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Reblog Wednesday: A Six-Word Story — HappymessHappiness

There have been times when I’ve felt unworthy, unworthy of love – of being loved, unworthy of blessings, of happiness, simply unworthy. And then things happen, time passes and I realize that I too deserve happiness, I too deserve blessings on blessings. I remember that there is no perfect being walking on this earth and that I try. I try my best as a mother, wife, sister and daughter, and that I strive. I strive to be better and do better than I did yesterday. As this lovely post by Happymess Happiness so perfectly in just but a few words put it – ‘Even broken things can be loved.’ Indeed.

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So, if you feel defeated, lonely, unhappy, grieving, in pain – broken, just know that you too can be loved, broken and all.

A-

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Even broken things can be loved.

via A Six-Word Story — HappymessHappiness

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Reblog Wednesday: I Asked God: A Facebook Post From A Friend — Something to Stu Over

This post for ‘Reblog Wednesday’ couldn’t have come at a better time. The thoughts of wanting to feel better physically are reoccurring thoughts, coming in too often throughout my day. And the fact that I can’t change my circumstance or diagnosis is evident in this post and is the perfect reminder of things I conveniently choose to forget. This ‘Reblog Wednesday’ is from a blogger I hold dear and near to my heart, Stuarthis honesty, love for Christ and life, is what I appreciate from reading his work. I couldn’t appreciate him more than I already do.

This post unraveled the truths of my reality. I can either learn to accept my reality or continue to live in the falsehood of reminiscing of what my life once was – life without the prescription medication and physical pain. It’s up to me. If I can only touch ground, ‘come back to Earth,’ as they say, and stop living in the clouds, I’d be able to open my eyes to see my life as it is. And perhaps only then will my sense of purpose fuel my desire to live a more happy and fulfilled life.

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The conversation with God in the post reminded me of my own conversations with God.

I  want to tell God what to fix in my life …

my diagnosis – fix it, reverse it,

my physical pain – take it away,

my old, ‘normal self’ – bring her back,

my finances – increase it,

my brain / head – make it stop spinning,

my son’s autism diagnosis – make it better,

my happiness – give me more of it.

And all the while, I’ve been praying for what I cannot change. He’s saying surrender, trust me, leave it to me as I do all things for a reason – beyond your humble comprehension. The reasons for it, all will be revealed in due time – patience. And love, love is what I need, it’s what I should be praying more for, so that I may accept my diagnosis with love, accept things that I will not be able to change.

The trials and tribulations are only there to get me away from worldly things and closer to Him.

Have a blessed day.

A-

I asked God to take away my habit. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up. I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No.. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary. I asked God to grant me patience. God […]

via I Asked God: A Facebook Post From A Friend — Something to Stu Over

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Reblog Wednesday: Gratitude — Tales from the Mama Duck

So, this here doesn’t require too many words. It left me speechless when I first read it and it’s leaving me speechless now. It’s so incredibly true, a picture is indeed ‘worth a thousand words.’ The post I share with you today is by the incredible blogger over at Family 5 Power – go over to her site and continue to enjoy her other incredible content!

Thank you Mama Duck for another reminder of the true meaning of Christmas.

Ana-

“Let us thank God for his priceless gift!” 2 Corinthians 15:9 GNT

via Gratitude — Tales from the Mama Duck

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Reblog Wednesday: Steve Harvey Cries Out to God in His Struggles: “This Too Shall Pass. Trouble Don’t Last Always.” — GODINTEREST – Christian digital media website exploring faith, culture and life

I’ve been keeping this post as a reminder that hard times don’t last. And I’m not only speaking in regards to financial troubles, but in general. I’m speaking about the times when you don’t feel good about yourself, times when you feel defeated, times when you feel lonely, times when you feel unloved and unworthy, times when you feel like things just happen to you and times when you feel like things are just never going to change for you. Those times.

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I’ll touch more about this later, briefly though, last week I had a complete thyroidectomy – or complete and total removal of my thyroid gland. This will mark my tenth surgery. And as much as I dislike hospitals, the smell, the cold air, the white coats and surgical lights, this surgery here was needed – but aren’t they all! I mention this because I had many moments that I wanted to put into question, the whys were so tempting. The why me, the why am I here again, the why am I in my mid-thirties yet feel like I’m in my mid-eighties. Those whys. Yet I was reminded of God’s infinite mercy and love for me. That he’s given me for one, health insurance, two, a great team of doctors, three, a supportive family and four, he continues to touch my life in a way so that I can look back and know that he doesn’t forget me – he’s right there with me! Because I tend to forget about him, I deviate from his path the moment things don’t go my way. Yet he continues to be so faithful to me. I also realize that – like all things in life, I can either see my illness as a curse or a blessing. And today I choose to see my illness as a blessing.

So, when you feel like you’re the only one feeling like this, living in a very complex situation, trying to figure out something so out of your reach, trying to fix something that just can’t seem to be fixed, remember you’re not alone – he’s got you.

And as Steve Harvey put it so well ….

‘Faith will get you through it because God’s going to make it alright …. because trouble don’t last always.’

A-

failure is a great teacher, and I think when you make mistakes and you recover from them and you treat them as valuable learning experiences, then you’ve got something to share. – Steve Harvey

via Steve Harvey Cries Out to God in His Struggles: “This Too Shall Pass. Trouble Don’t Last Always.” — GODINTEREST – Christian digital media website exploring faith, culture and life

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Reblog Wednesday: QUOTE OF THE DAY #111 — The Motivational Blog

Have you been to The Motivational Blog – you must! It’s so inspirational and as he so well titled it, a motivational blog. His posts inspires and allows for some great thinking stimulation. This particular quote that he posted, touched this mother’s heart. As someone living with chronic pain it’s almost inevitable not to compare myself to other mothers. I can be anywhere, may it be at my little ones school, at church, on a family outing, etc. I see mother’s that seem to be having it all together. So well put together from their hair, clothes, like they slept a full 8 hours, freshly bathed and ready to go! I imagine even just having had a nice hot breakfast too. That was me, maybe 5 kids ago!

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This mama today, though this year I have my oldest four in school – thank you Jesus, I’m still home with two kids. So, although the house is a bit quieter for a few hours, things still need to get done – slowly but surely, but I do not look as put together as these other moms. If I’m blessed, I’ll probably reheat my morning coffee four times before I give up and dump it, shower in middle of afternoon naps, with the door open because in my head, someone will come in and rob the house – I know, I’m dramatic that way! I get by to say the least. However, in the midst of it all, my own self doubt, self loathing, lack of motivation and self confidence, this quote is such a loving reminder. You truly do not need to be anyone else, you don’t need anyone to validate you, validate you as a woman, as a mother, as a business woman, as an employee, you don’t need anyone to hold your hand, you don’t need anyone to love you, because you can do all that on your own! I’m in my mid-30’s now and I can say that in my youth, I tried to love someone so much, I tried so hard to hang on, tried so hard to impress and at the end, there was nothing in the world that would have stopped him from leaving. So, before you go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket or put your whole heart into someone, love yourself first.

Look for a partner that will complement you –

not complete you.

You are complete on your own! Be aware of lies, if you don’t believe in who you are, others will know that and will try to take advantage of your trust.

They say the older you get, the wiser you are, however if you know that there is no one more important than you, you will stop living for others and begin to live your best life today – no need to grow old to figure this out! If we should learn anything from our elders, is that they learned to give a hoot about what others think of them. They are experiencing true freedom, I hope you experience your freedom too.

Happy Wednesday.

A-

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via QUOTE OF THE DAY #111 — The Motivational Blog

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Release The Pressure

Release The Pressure

I don’t often watch television, but do have some programs set on the DVR. On some days when the time is just right, I’ll watch something live – today was one of those days. I’ve not only been a little on edge because of last weeks visit to the ENT  but also feel at times overwhelmed, I’m the one people come to for comfort or to be heard – not that it’s a bad thing. My therapist once told me, it’s a good thing to listen to someone speak about their own struggles because at times it can give you a sense of comfort knowing that you are not alone. Can I remind you of the quote, ‘misery loves company’? Yes, sometimes within my own ‘misery,’ I like to find someone else who’s living within the same miserable state. It makes me feel less alone, ultimately, less miserable. It’s helpful! But it can be hard to be present in someones else’s life when I have ongoing health issues – not to mention the biggest one of them all, Chiari. I do it of course! However, I lend an ear out of respect because I’ve been sought after, but would I rather be doing something else, absolutely!

“Do not become the 911 in everybody’s life, just stop and release yourself of the pressure.”

– Steve Harvey

As the little ones took their afternoon nap, today I was able to watch the Steve Harvey Show. He’s funny, he’s witty and one of the few adults with wisdom. Yes, I’m that person that believes age doesn’t always equal wisdom. So, today the topic of ‘releasing the pressure from yourself’ came up. That was music to my ears folks! Yes, yes! Do you have that friend or family member that only calls when they need you, when they need something from you, when they need you to do something for them? Do you feel responsible to help them, to be there for them, to do what they’ve just asked you to do? Yes, I’m there, I have those! So, he was saying to take the pressure off from the need to be there for them. It’s not in a condescending way – no! It’s for yourself, do this for you! ‘You are only responsible for your children. If the person is not your child, then you are not responsible for them and you are welcome to take the pressure off yourself!’ He brought a point we too often forget and a good point at that, ‘if they didn’t have you, what would they do?’ So, he also recommended you stop receiving their calls, because all their calls tend to be for ‘requests’ and if you can, to stop listening to your voicemails, because 95% of the time voicemails are ‘requests’. They will leave that voicemail saying, ‘call me, it’s important.’ I couldn’t help but laugh, because it true! It’s so true! If you’re not laughing, maybe it’s because you’re the other person. Eek! I often think, wait, I need to answer or I need to listen to the voicemail because, what if it’s an emergency?! Here’s what Mr. Harvey said, ‘all emergencies or problems pass within 24 hours’ and encourages that you ‘don’t become the 911 in everybody’s life, just stop and release yourself of the pressure.’ And I think, if it were an actual emergency, they’d be calling 911 – not you.

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One of my children’s movies comes to mind and it says it best, ‘sit down before you hurt yourself!’ We put so much pressure on ourselves to be in everyone else’s lives, we forget to be present in our own. And I am a firm believer on how stress and anxiety can may very well be the culprit of the way you feel, this pressure makes you sick – literally. I don’t know why I needed to hear that today, but I’m so glad I did, some reassurance is good and always welcomed!  It’s good to put me/you first and not feel remorseful for it.

Happy day!

A-